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I have made a foolish promise to Alisande – Al-ih-sand? Ah-lee-zond? All Is Sandy? – that I would talk a li’l bit about Twitter avatars. Foolish, because it’s the death knell for any topic once I’ve made a promise to talk about it. It’s why I haven’t posted anything here in… um… carry the one… eleventy-onetweenillion years. But! Ali deserves respect. She’s the Intercontinental Pit Sloth Breeding Champion, y’know. So Ally-Shah-day, this one’s for you!
Twitter itself is a strange little beast. It lets you totally virtually eavesdrop on other people’s conversations with no repercussions. This is great for me, because it means I need no longer fear dropping from an eave onto my noggin from twelve storeys up, which is how I used to get my listening-in done. It’s also why I no longer have any memories of rice. You know that thing that cats do where they land on their feet after a fall, every time? I do that too, except instead of feet, it’s my skull. Evolution, right? It’s AWESOME.
But if Twitter itself is strange, the idea of the Twitter avatar may be even stranger. As your digital representation, it’s meant to tell the viewer something about who you are. Many people put up a photo of themselves, smiling or grimacing, depending on how they want to be perceived. These are people who feel good about themselves. People who have strong self-esteem, are unafraid of criticism, and have no problem with others judging them.
This is why I never put my face up there.
However, this affords me the opportunity to change my avatar based on my mood. When you’ve followed me long enough -- I’m @akelaa, by the way, nice to meet you, can I get you anything? Coffee? Tea? Laudanum? – you’ll see a varying selection of canids parade through your stream. Sometimes I like to mix it up and turn into other species. So far, I’ve been:
- Felines
- Avians
- A cephalopod
- A seal
- A dinosaur
- A corgilope
- An isopod
- An anteater
- Coyote, the Trickster God
- A hedgehog with his face stuck in a cardboard tube
- A kappa
- A megawalrus
- Edvard Munch’s screaming bridge walker
- A fruit bat
- A kobold
- A prinny
- A sackboy
- A Tauren
- And a thoat. If you don’t know what a thoat is, imagine a six-legged horselike creature, with another thoat inside its body, with another thoat inside that one. Yeah, I dunno either.
But as a shorthand for how I’m feeling, the Twitter avatar is wonderful. If only there was a real world analogue! If we lived in a society where we could wear masks all the time to put our general daily demeanors on display, it would be a vastly different atmosphere. And our faces would chafe, constantly.
Identity is important. We can’t always choose the outward appearance we want, one that reflects who we feel we truly are inside. Twitter grants us the ability to be who we want to be, and say exactly what we think. Anne Rice once wrote that being a vampire doesn’t change who a person is; it simply lets them become more truly who they already are. Going by that reasoning, who I am is a constantly changing entity of more than one guise, with many moods and a LOT to say. Just like every one of us.
Give your Twitter avatar some thought. Is it really you? What do you want people to think when they see it? Then think a bit about what it means to have an egg as your avatar. Seriously, what in the Hell of the Sloppy Seconds is that? When I said I wanted to get laid, this is NOT what I had in mind. I … … what? …….. oh, it’s… oh, it’s a theme thing…. Ohh, I get it. ‘Cause Twitter, birds, eggs, stupidity. Right, gotcha. Okay, well, that makes a LOT more sense than what I was thinking. Still, you know what would be a better default avatar? Something that’ll make people want to put their real selves up there? A photo of my nekkid body. ‘Cause trust me: Nobody wants to see that.
I'm holding out 'til the rain is gone
Everything (I give in, I give out
Was put up with, then I was put down)
I curse it all when the pain is strong
Again (I give in, I give out
Was put up with, then I was put down)
EBO, "The Rain Song"

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